You've Got to Let It Flow Before You Can Let it Go
I talk a lot about addressing the root causes of things rather than just masking the symptoms. Doing that requires courage to look at what isn't serving us, clarity to be able to witness our needs, and conviction to be able to meet those needs. I saw a post on Instagram this week that I needed to hear. In case you need to hear it to, here is what it said,
"Difficult truth: A lot of people are practicing emotional avoidance and calling it a positive mindset."
I would argue that this isn't an individual level problem, it is a systemic or societal problem, and systems get the results they are designed to produce. There is a reason why many of us in this culture are burned out, exhausted, depleted, and suffering, and it isn't moral or personal failing. We are all trying to do the best we can in a system that requires that we override our needs and sacrifice ourselves for others all the time.
When it comes to emotions, there is so much cultural pressure to move on and let go. While these steps are important, they can only happen when we’ve allowed ourselves to feel our feelings and to metabolize our experiences. To skip ahead to the elimination phase without moving through the digestion and integration phases is a form of spiritual bypassing that overrides and suppresses our body’s wisdom.
There are so many deep consequences to repeatedly suppressing our emotions and needs, including a profound disconnection from ourselves. When we don’t metabolize our experiences, it often manifests as illness or pain. The more disconnected we become, the easier it is to miss early warning signs, and the more likely it is that our body will raise the volume on the alarm until we are so sick that we have no choice but to pay attention.
Emotions are energy, and energy needs to flow. We have to feel our feelings and let them flow before we can move on and let go. If we don’t, that energy gets constipated in our systems, and eventually that can dampen our metabolism, wear down our nervous system, and hamper our immune system.
Repeatedly suppressing emotions, especially anger, essentially turns on the fight or flight response while simultaneously shutting down our defense systems, so it is no wonder that there are correlations between repressed rage and serious dis-eases such as IBS, rheumatoid arthritis, chronic fatigue syndrome, ALS, MS, asthma, psoriasis, fibromyalgia, cancer, heart disease, and migraines.
Anger is a sign from our nervous system that a boundary has been crossed. Just like pain, anger is a protective response. Anger is also the appropriate response to harm and injustice. When we have been harmed and then are pressured to suppress our natural and protective anger, it can lead to an erosion of boundaries.
Telling yourself, or being told by an individual or an organization, that you need to let go and move on when your boundaries have been crossed and not repaired is completely unreasonable. When people you care about don't help you uphold those boundaries, it is a form of betrayal, and it fans the flames of the anger because anger is often a form of grief that is asking to be witnessed and nurtured.
The heart of my work is helping people reconnect with themselves so that they can hear their own wisdom. It is a true honor to hold space and bear witness for another’s pain and suffering. It is my sincere hope that I can offer support for my clients to move through, rather than around, their feelings and to help them uphold their own boundaries so they feel safe, supported, and nurtured.
Astrologically, this is a really good time to look at what lies beneath the surface. If you could use some support in renegotiating your relationship with yourself, please reach out. I’m happy to chat about how we might work together to support your healing. Sign-up for a free Discovery Call, or if your body is saying YES, jump right in and join the Path to Wellness.
With love and presence,
Rachel
PS: If you are curious about the connections between suppressing emotions and dis-ease, I highly recommend reading Gabor Mate’s book When the Body Says No: The Hidden Cost of Stress.
The First Checkup After My Mother Died
by Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz
The doctor noticed me fidgeting with my ears
like a toddler, and asked if he could look at them.
Yes, I told him, they had been bothering me,
and I didn’t know why.
After the examination, he asked if I had been
through something traumatic recently—
a breakup, or a loss of a job. Yes, I told him,
not wanting to explain. How did you know?
Well, he told me, this type of infection
is most commonly found among people who have
gotten in a pattern of holding back tears.
If you don’t allow those tears to drain the way
they are supposed to, they stay inside, cause a lot of pain.
Do you think this is what’s happening to you? he asked.
Yes, I nodded,
and held back my tears.
